Traveling Beyond Abuse: Choosing Love Over Domination
- jenniferwomensvoic
- Jun 1
- 4 min read
As you can see, my sister and I were properly attired to resist sandstorms for our camel ride.
Twenty-four hours of travel back to Merica (how Moraccans say it) did not tamp my enthusiasm for what I experienced. Morocco is a land of contrasts:
Desert and camels, but also green mountains, busy ports, and car manufacturing for export.
Riads (homes with courtyards) and alley-like souks (markets) but also busy cosmopolitan cities.
A monarchy and a history of patriarchy, but the king shares power with a parliament and women occupy 24.3% of the seats, almost as many as the United States (28%).
An ancient culture and it was first to recognize the United States after the American Revolution.
My travels in Morocco not only exposed me to its diverse landscapes but also to its rich cultural tapestry, which embodies the principles of love over domination.
One stunner was that this predominantly Muslim faith country has a history of acceptance and protection of Jews since 70 A.D. What a contrast to middle eastern nations. In fact, Muslim, Jewish, and the indigenous Amazigh peoples live in harmony. I love it when my travel experiences inspire my writing regarding choosing love over domination.
Before identifying what encourages this culture to live in harmony, let’s look at what leads to domination and abuse.
Abusers do Not Choose Love Over Domination
Abusive partners demonstrate domination instead of love by coercing their victims into obedience. They do this because they believe they have the right to, and that if they aren’t dominant, you will dominate them. An example: harm-doers often call their victims abusive or selfish when they disagree or stand up for themselves.
Abuse of power occurs when anyone believes they have the right to what they want without respect for others’ rights or opinions. This sense of entitlement can permeate any organization, including families, governments, professions, and religions.
Coercive Relationships acknowledges that the root problem of abuse isn’t patriarchy but a “Domination” system of beliefs that separates people into superior and inferior groups. Riane Eisler identifies a “Partnership” system that has existed since ancient times, in which everyone is worthy and deserves respect regardless of their beliefs. Abuse isn’t inherent to patriarchal structures; some show mutual respect and endorse leaders whatever their gender. It stems from the desire for control, not patriarchy itself.
Examining Two Patriarchal Perspectives
What encourages acceptance and respect in relationships and society regardless of whether they are patriarchal?
To answer this, I sought information from two people whose outlook favors patriarchy. A Moroccan Muslim and a Jehovah’s Witness member shared their perspectives on how their cultures uphold choosing love over domination even when their views and traditions differ from their neighbors.
Moroccan Muslim Perspective
Both Muslims and Jews referred to living side by side several times during my trip. Ait Ben Haddou (an 11th century settlement) represents the ideal example of coexistence, according to Mohammed Oujrid, a Muslim trip leader. The same complex houses both Jewish and Muslim residents, their synagogues and mosques included. They did business together, and their kids played in the same public square. They still do.
When asked how harmony continues today, Mohammed said:
“I believe that religion is a personal thing. I don’t have the right to judge others based on my religious beliefs and vice versa. The God sent us to this world for a different reason; judging others is not my duty. I accept people how they are, not the way I want them to be.”
Mohammed acknowledged that there is domestic abuse in their society, something confirmed by a woman who works on women’s rights. However, their faith tradition does not support this behavior.
Jehovah’s Witness Perspective
Bonnie (not her real name), a Jehovah’s Witness member, told me that their guiding principle is “trying to be like Jesus.” She said this means being supportive, comforting, peaceful, loving, respectful, positive, uplifting, and compassionate with everyone. They also expect to set limits with anyone who abuses them.
Bonnie acknowledged humans are imperfect, and some members abuse their families. However, the principles of their faith organization teach against this.
While her perspective is that there needs to be one “pilot” in the family, Witnesses teach acceptance and compassion toward anyone with different viewpoints.
Choosing Love Over Domination Key Principles
These two perspectives show values and practices that choose love over domination. Gleaning from what they said, they:
Feel secure in who they are and what they believe.
Respect the worth and dignity of everyone, regardless of beliefs.
Accept that others have their own beliefs.
Love. Though neither one mentioned it by name, love is foundational for how they behave.
Choosing Love Over Domination in Relationships
Apply these same principles to foster acceptance and respect in your relationships. Notice whether you or others:
Display signs of security. You are more likely to be accepting and respectful instead of being threatened by differences when you have confidence.
Show respect to another even when they disagree. This is an early clue to one’s commitment to equality.
Accept that others have a right to choose how they act and believe. This means no one has the right to force their beliefs onto others.
Make “love” a primary value. Disagreements and crises test our commitment to love. None of us is perfect, but acknowledging mistakes shows our intention to be loving and accepting.
These principles contribute to a better world, one that is free of abuse. To have such a
world involves holding onto your own ideas and respecting the rights of others who are different, as my Moroccan and Jehovah’s Witness interviewees demonstrated.
My travels in Morocco confirmed that a world choosing love over domination encourages loving yourself and extending that love to everyone else.
Comments