Meeting survivors where they are is the best way to empower them. The urgency of their situations often tempts us to react instead of choosing our interventions to match survivors’ goals and readiness for change. This article offers suggestions for meeting them effectively. End the Silence Module The End the Silence module contains information that promotes a strong foundation for survivor healing. The underlying principles of this module are listening, reflecting what you h

A conversation between Jennifer Parker, MSSW and LaDonna Carey, M.A. LaDonna Carey is a specialist in Betrayal Trauma with over 33 years of experience. She provides psychotherapy virtually and in her private practice in Kingsport, TN. She is the creator of SOS Sharpening Our Skills for therapists. I invited Carey to talk about forgiveness, something she is going to delve deeper into at the Smoky Mountain Symposium on Relational Trauma in October. Jennifer: Forgiveness after b

Understanding the Beliefs Behind Abuse Understanding someone's behavior begins with understanding what they believe.— Inspired by Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear You begin to answer why your partner dominates you when you recognize what they believe. Realizing that your partner thinks it is acceptable to harm, control, or dominate you contradicts everything most of us expect from a loving relationship. Give yourself permission to grieve this. This is the final article in a

Survivors of partner abuse often benefit from seeking professional assistance. However, they often hesitate because they hope their partners will change or due to their partner's not to talk. This article identifies two categories of service providers, explains their roles, and encourages discerning whether they have knowledge about abusive partners. It ends with a preview of the final article in this series. It builds on When Survivors Face Unsupportive Reactions from Fa

What Survivors Need and Therapists Should Understand When you begin to talk about abuse in your relationship, family and friends are often the first people you seek support from. Sometimes, that is where your confusion deepens. Recently, a survivor I will name Jasmine made a comment that captures how difficult it can be to communicate what you experience. “Often, fear of the backlash is why people stay in abusive relationships or remain quiet. . . That’s a difficult place to

My guest today is Vanessa Salvatore, a practitioner in integrative body psychotherapy and writer from Quebec, Canada, currently working on her debut memoir. After connecting on LinkedIn, we decided to highlight her experience and interest in empowering survivors as a fitting ending to the “Reclaim Your Voice” series. Vanessa's story provides both hope to survivors who experience coercive control and information for therapists who serve them. Note: Everyone’s situation is diff

The first article in my Reclaiming Your Voice series focused on external barriers survivors encounter when they reach out for help. The second examined how abuse creates internal barriers that interfere with healing. This third article focuses on what to expect with therapy to avoid common pitfalls, such as thinking you aren't doing therapy "right." Understanding how healing unfolds helps set appropriate expectations. Healing Ups and Downs Everyone’s healing journey is de

In my previous article, Reclaiming Your Voice After Partner Abuse, I focused on the external barriers survivors often encounter when seeking support—misunderstanding, judgment, fear, and well-intended but unhelpful responses. Part two of this series turns inward to explore the internal barriers abuse creates: fear of escalation, hope for change, self-doubt, confusion, self-blame, and fear of making the wrong choices. These barriers are not signs of weakness or indecision; the

“Opening our eyes to how intimate partners harm us hurts. . . This may feel excruciating, but it’s also the beginning step to reclaiming yourself.” This quote from chapter one of Coercive Relationships, describes the hurt that makes it painful to admit a partner is abusive. The journey of reclaiming yourself is not easy, but the way is smoothed for those fortunate to have supportive friends, family, faith leaders, and professionals. “Reclaiming your voice” refers to recognizi

Find Your Voice’s mission is to provide therapy resources for healing and for leaving relationships that are abusive when necessary. I invited Dawn Lanaville to be my guest co-blogger because of her expertise with forensics and family courts. She speaks about shifting the focus to perpetrators and providing answers to an survivors’ oft-asked question, “Why do they hurt us?” Lanaville is a clinical/forensic psychologist who primarily works in family courts in Intimate Partner