Subscribe to the newsletter:

In my previous article, Reclaiming Your Voice After Partner Abuse , I focused on the external barriers survivors often encounter when seeking support—misunderstanding, judgment, fear, and well-intended but unhelpful responses. Part two of this series turns inward to explore the internal barriers abuse creates: fear of escalation, hope for change, self-doubt, confusion, self-blame, and fear of making the wrong choices. These barriers are not signs of weakness or indecision; t

“Opening our eyes to how intimate partners harm us hurts. . . This may feel excruciating, but it’s also the beginning step to reclaiming yourself.” This quote from chapter one of Coercive Relationships , describes the hurt that makes it painful to admit a partner is abusive. The journey of reclaiming yourself is not easy, but the way is smoothed for those fortunate to have supportive friends, family, faith leaders, and professionals. “Reclaiming your voice” refers to recogniz

Find Your Voice’s mission is to provide therapy resources for healing and for leaving relationships that are abusive when necessary. I invited Dawn Lanaville to be my guest co-blogger because of her expertise with forensics and family courts. She speaks about shifting the focus to perpetrators and providing answers to an survivors’ oft-asked question, “Why do they hurt us?” Lanaville is a clinical/forensic psychologist who primarily works in family courts in Intimate Partner

Healing from abuse by a partner involves ending the silence about it by taking back or owning your story—unhampered by an abusive partner’s control and beliefs. In short, this means you stop believing what your partner’s behavior convinced you to believe.  Owning your story is a process of: Recognizing abusive behavior patterns and how they affect you Releasing responsibility for how you were treated Addressing injuries to your self-esteem Rebuilding trust in yourself   Seein

Couples in an abusive relationship often seek therapy for other issues and fail to mention abuse. A few of the reasons they don’t...

Couples therapy is not appropriate when one partner abuses the other. This general rule applies until the abuser holds themselves accountable, has completed an abuser treatment program, and the therapist and the victim consider it safe.   Why? Couples therapy is not effective because of the imbalance of power between the two individuals. That imbalance results in one or more of these issues: A victim who discloses is punished outside of the therapy room. Abuse disempowers and

Trauma healing is a vital component of therapy for intimate partner abuse survivors. Trauma symptoms interfere with partner abuse...

This article provides information for therapists and survivors that explains when clients do not recognize abuse. It serves as...

Recognizing narcissistic behavior in partners often happens after years of confusion and harm. While labeling their behavior won’t change...

As you can see, my sister and I were properly attired to resist sandstorms for our camel ride. Twenty-four hours of travel back to Merica...

When you "find your voice" means you develop the confidence and ability to express your unique perspective, opinions, and ideas. I...

Many survivors of partner abuse wonder how to respond to intimidation after they’ve left. Regardless of whether the ex-partner’s...

Often there is a gap between recognizing abusive behavior and both knowing what you want and taking steps toward it. This blog identifies...

The holidays are painful when you’ve experienced a loss, including ending an abusive relationship. You may wonder how to start over, to...

Safety issues and concerns about the best interests of children were barriers to healing mentioned in Healing and Creating a New Life ....

Healing and creating a new life after abuse are multi-faceted processes. Often, they feel overwhelming. You usually begin the work of...

Survivors of intimate partner abuse sometimes say they feel overwhelmed by politics. For that matter, many of us do. Overwhelm is a...

The time it takes to leave an abusive relationship is the time you need, so let go of any shame or embarrassment about it. Leaving is not...

Repeated abuse changes how you think about yourself and your abilities. Recovery work includes releasing destructive beliefs and the instilled fear produced by abuse.

Do not allow anxiety to interfere with gaining the support you need. The following gives guidance in how to tell someone about abuse. It also bolsters you in not taking personally anyone’s lack of support or disbelief if that occurs.