Domestic Abuse | Find Your Voice

As you can see, my sister and I were properly attired to resist sandstorms for our camel ride. Twenty-four hours of travel back to Merica (how Moraccans say it) did not tamp my enthusiasm for what I experienced. Morocco is a land of contrasts: Desert and camels, but also green mountains, busy ports, and car manufacturing for export. Riads (homes with courtyards) and alley-like souks (markets) but also busy cosmopolitan cities. A monarchy and a history of patriarchy, but the

Survivors of intimate partner abuse sometimes say they feel overwhelmed by politics. For that matter, many of us do. Overwhelm is a rational response to destructive forms of conflict. A client example: “I can’t listen to my legislator because they talk like my abusive ex.” I view survivors as “canaries in the coal mine” of our culture because their abusive experiences help them see coercive language and behavior in other places, including political communication. Everyone

Repeated abuse changes how you think about yourself and your abilities. Recovery work includes releasing destructive beliefs and the instilled fear produced by abuse.

Gaslight security begins with recognizing it. Merriam-Webster’s definition of gaslighting: “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories.” It causes confusion, loss of self-esteem, and uncertainty of one’s mental stability." Gaslighting may seem easy to identify but it is not, particularly within an intimate relationship. Since you are hu

When you say you allowed abuse, you are blaming yourself for something over which you had no control. You probably learned to accept this from your partner's blame and hearing similar media assumptions. Often society makes victims responsible for their abuse, rather than the one who abuses.

Expressing Emotions and Empathy is the second of the Assertive Communication Skills series. They complete the self-defining skills along with requests and refusals covered earlier.

Calling out abuse means naming what happened” as abuse, coercive control, gaslighting, intimate partner violence, domestic abuse—whatever term feels right to you. It includes acknowledging that the person you love is willing to harm you. This will hurt! However, it’s the beginning step toward freedom.

This blog is the beginning of a seven-part series regarding therapeutic basics that I found addressed survivors’ concerns and encouraged post-traumatic growth. Each of my next six blogs will go into more depth. I think you will find they help you to empower yourself.

Dr. Boss reveals that resilience is especially important when there are no immediate solutions. This is often what intimate partner abuse survivors face: no immediate solution. Sometimes, coercive behavior continues even after leaving. Dr. Boss prescribes adaptability, flexibility, and tolerance for ambiguity. What do these mean for victims of intimate abuse?

Betrayal Trauma is a phenomenon that occurs when there is a violation of trust by someone whom we depend on for survival or to whom we are significantly attached.

Intimate partner abuse victims often search for therapists who help them recover from the emotional injuries they experience. The purpose of this blog is to guide both prospective clients and therapists toward treatment success.

As we begin a new year, it's important to recognize that new beginnings include telling your own story.

Here are some questions whose answers offer clues about whether you are dealing with someone who is emotionally abusive. Proceed with caution and talk about it if you don’t like what you see.

Divorce is never easy, and that is especially true for intimate partner abuse survivors. My last blog, Considering Divorce, was a walk-through of the process. During my interview with Holly Slota, attorney at Pines Bach LLP in Madison WI, I asked what issues make it more difficult for survivors. This blog combines her responses with guidance on how to handle each issue.

My guest blogger is Caron Kipping, a Divorce and Separation Coach in Great Britain and the author of "Recognition to Recovery."

Allies are the first pearl in the necklace of insight, hope, and healing. Victims know the difference between an ally and someone who has an agenda.

The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.

Acknowledging what we don’t know represents strength when we use our curiosity and “inner scientist” to learn about it

I structured my book, Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek, around issues and questions I frequently hear from survivors and often from those who work with them.

As I delved into writing my book, I rediscovered Eisler’s work along with her subsequent books that explore Partnership systems throughout all aspects of society. My soon to be published book Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek has a chapter that connects the insights of her work with intimate partner abuse.