Narcissistic Behavior in Partners—What You Need to Know
- jenniferwomensvoic
- Jun 25
- 4 min read
Recognizing narcissistic behavior in partners often happens after years of confusion
and harm. While labeling their behavior won’t change it, identifying it empowers you to know it's not your problem. This article indicates ways you can effect change in your life and those you love.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Oxford dictionary defines narcissism as “selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.” There are two key things for you to understand about personality disorders:
People with personality disorders see the world through a rigid lens, and change feels deeply threatening to them.
These disorders develop due to a mix of genetics and environment, but that doesn’t remove personal responsibility. If they truly had no control, they wouldn’t be able to adjust their behavior when facing consequences they don’t like.
Not everyone who engages in abusive behavior has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some people display narcissistic traits without meeting the diagnostic criteria, and some with narcissistic traits are not abusive.
If you are concerned about narcissistic behavior in partners, you may wonder why they behave this way. That answer lies in the social norms that allow and enable entitlement and self-centered behavior.
How Entitlement is Learned
Abusive partners exist on a spectrum—some exhibit more narcissistic traits than others and some are more rigidly insistent upon dominating their partners. One key factor that fuels narcissistic behavior is traditional gender socialization.
From an early age, boys and girls receive messages about their expected roles, abilities, and value. Traditional masculinity encourages a sense of entitlement with the following implicit or explicit messages:
Males should be dominant over women. This fosters entitlement and minimizes a partner’s needs and autonomy.
Vulnerability is weakness. Expressing emotions like sadness or empathy is discouraged, which affects their emotional regulation and ability to empathize.
Their role is to provide, not nurture. Child-rearing and household responsibilities are rejected or seen as beneath them, reinforcing inequality at home.
Compromise is a loss of power. This leads to fighting for what they want rather than seeking mutual understanding and solutions that benefit both.
These messages create an imbalance of power in relationships. They encourage viewing power as finite and therefore, something to be protected instead of something to be shared. Being strong means having power over others instead of strength coming from within.
Such messages reinforce entitlement in men. However, entitlement is not exclusive to men. Some women develop narcissistic traits because of similar messages, and harmful power dynamics exist in some same-sex and nonbinary relationships too.
The more rigidly someone clings to entitlement, the more likely they are to justify harmful behavior in relationships. Recognizing this social conditioning is crucial to understanding why narcissistic behavior in partners is so common.
By challenging outdated roles, we create space for healthier, more equitable relationships built on respect, empathy, and shared power, no matter the gender.
You Cannot Change Narcissistic Behavior in Partners
Telling your partner they are “narcissistic” won’t cause them to change. If you’ve identified unacceptable behavior, asked them to change, and they still refuse, it’s time to accept that reality—not because you approve of it, but because you recognize what is beyond your control.
Beware of a partner who distorts love and responsibility. This excerpt from Coercive Relationships: Find the Answers You Seek illustrates how power imbalances take root in relationships:
“The narcissistic belief that they must be satisfied or “you don’t care about me” paves the way for this imbalance {of power}. Their inability to have empathy and see others’ needs seals it.”
If your partner has suffered childhood trauma or other hardships, it’s natural to feel compassion. But do not let that compassion override your loyalty to yourself and what you deserve. True strength comes from your ability to care—but caring does not mean excusing harm. You can hold empathy for their struggles and hold them accountable for their choices.
No matter what they’ve been through, they are responsible for their actions. And only they can decide to change. Sadly, many choose not to, because they don’t want to let go of power and control. They fail to see the strength in an equal partnership where both people share power rather than wield it over one another.
You cannot change them. But that does not mean you are powerless.
What You Can Change
While you cannot change someone else, you do have the power to change what is within your control—starting with how you see yourself and your worth. Many survivors find therapy helpful in working on these. Domestic violence programs also help you explore possibilities and regain a sense of agency.
Coercive Relationships provides guidance on identifying learned beliefs that may have made you more vulnerable to domination. Even while in the relationship, understanding your vulnerability can help release shame and build a foundation for future choices.
Another powerful way to create change is by breaking the cycle for future generations. Strengthening your resilience against narcissism equips you to guide children—both boys and girls—toward healthier relationships. Teaching them to be strong, empathetic, nurturing, independent, emotionally intelligent, and loving ensures they have the tools to build respect-based relationships.
If you don’t have children, you can still be part of the solution by supporting organizations that educate and empower young people. Every effort to challenge harmful social conditioning helps create a world where respect and equality replace control and fear.
Concern for Our Young Men
A growing concern that impacts narcissism in partners long-term lies in social media. Algorithms are rapidly shaping young men’s perceptions, often fueling narcissistic and misogynistic beliefs. Research shows that within nine minutes, TikTok can flood a 16-year-old boy’s feed with harmful content—misleading messages that blame women and LGBTQ individuals for male struggles and dissatisfaction.[i]
The real and pressing concerns about young men’s mental health need to be remedied. However, the solution is not to teach them to blame females or others.
The most effective way to counter this growing influence is through education. By teaching boys and girls how to build respectful, emotionally intelligent relationships, we can disrupt the cycle of entitlement and control. Changing the way we socialize children of all genders benefits them. And, it’s a step toward halting narcissistic behavior in partners and society as a whole.
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