As we begin a new year, it's important to recognize that new beginnings include telling your own story.

Here are some questions whose answers offer clues about whether you are dealing with someone who is emotionally abusive. Proceed with caution and talk about it if you don’t like what you see.

After survivors learn the tactics of coercion and attend to their injuries, they can focus on how to respond in ways that empower them and disempower the controller. They do this by learning how to keep abusers’ blame, negation, and gaslighting from having power over them.

One of the most significant emotional injuries from intimate partner abuse is loss of self-esteem.

The term “victim” does not identify who anyone is, nor does it reflect on their worth. It denotes what happened to them.

Acknowledging what we don’t know represents strength when we use our curiosity and “inner scientist” to learn about it

The Burning Bowl ceremony is about releasing what no longer serves us. The White Stone ceremony is about welcoming something into your life that you want to grow toward or find..

Next steps are always scary. We don’t know what they will be like—not really—until we take them. Each of the paths listed above encompasses many steps. We can set off, but we cannot outline each step, each curve, each boulder along the way, and when we think we have to, it stops us from ever setting off.

We often want to retaliate and give people a dose of what they’ve given us, but this does not maintain our power.

I counsel everyone who is embarking on something new to expect feeling fearful. It usually feels like jumping off a cliff. All the insecurities we have (and we all have them) jump out to convince us we can’t make it.

"The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." June 1918 Surprising, isn't it? This quote illustrates how gender stereotypes influence us. Besides demonstrating that color preference for genders is culturally dictated, this quote highlights how traditional socialization tells women

"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday." Alexander Pope What a wonderful way to acknowledge a mistake without getting stuck in shame. Shame is fueled by beliefs that we should be perfect and that mistakes are a sign of weakness.These perceptions neglect to understand that the power of humans comes from having brains which learn from trial and error. An article I've o

Poise is a state of balance. We can see this physically when we view poised people moving with grace and agility. If thrown off balance, they are quickly able to regain it because of their practiced skill. Let's take that term apart. Often we give more recognition for skill, as if people possess something intrinsic that makes them successful in physical endeavors. However, every athlete would attest to the truth that skill is not enough - that "practice makes perfect." Emo

Is she a bitch or a leader? Is he a wuss or a sensitive man? Both these questions help us become more aware of underlying biases and stereotypes. Healthy functioning allows for flexibility in men’s and women’s roles and behaviors. Both genders should be able to choose what best suits them. Our socialization about what is appropriate for each gender can consciously or unconsciously affect confidence and mobility in careers. When women and men are put down for what would be c

It is often an irony that we fear what we also want. We may want success in some particular way, but we are terrified of achieving it and may undermine it. Success bringsrecognition and that is often very uncomfortable for us. Being visible may have represented danger in the past if we've experienced any type of abusive relationship at home or work. We may have learned to hide ourselves so as not to elicit criticism or abuse. If we haven't fully healed this, it will block ou

There are two kinds of fear. One is the realistic fear that we experience when we're in danger. This is rational and self-preservative and a very good thing. The second is fear that is not based on any present danger so some call it irrational fear. However, it often makes sense given our histories. It may come from our experiences in the past which we're projecting onto the future. It may come from messages we've gotten that we're incompetent or weak. It may come from an u

My neighborhood came through a line of storms with much loss of trees. When I walked around, I was moved by the giant root systems that had been wrested free of the earth. It reminded me of the crises that we all endure at times in our lives and how it feels. What keeps us staying upright rather than toppling in life's storms? I think some things are beyond our control, just as we can't regulate where and when a tornado will hit. However, we can do several things to help ins

We all have times of crisis in our lives. I like to remind myself as well as others that the symbol for "crisis" also means "opportunity" in Chinese. It's so easy to fall into believing life is over. Our fear pops up of the unknown and generates a vicious spiraling downward. Our Monkey Minds take over and spew forth negativity. Sometimes the flames of crisis are fanned by put downs and blame from others as well. A little part of you begins to believe you won't be okay. The

We are constantly making meaning of our world through our thoughts. All thoughts are neither true nor untrue, they simply are. Thoughts can be stimulated by what we hear from others, from what we see and learn about the world from our direct experiences, and from what we imagine. The fact that we’re constantly having thoughts is not a problem. Problems arise when we’re unaware we’re having thoughts and view them as “the truth”. It is important to be able to have an aware

Birthing is for everyone! If you're male, I hope you don't stop reading. The metaphor of giving birth is an apt one. Manifesting what we want in life often brings "labor pains". Rarely does something just fall into our laps. The process involves: setting our intentions, making plans, sorting through options, problem solving issues, ironing out unforeseen complications, changing direction, and managing success when it comes. And it will come if you are a diligent "midwife"!