It is often an irony that we fear what we also want. We may want success in some particular way, but we are terrified of achieving it and may undermine it. Success bringsrecognition and that is often very uncomfortable for us. Being visible may have represented danger in the past if we've experienced any type of abusive relationship at home or work. We may have learned to hide ourselves so as not to elicit criticism or abuse. If we haven't fully healed this, it will block ou

We are constantly making meaning of our world through our thoughts. All thoughts are neither true nor untrue, they simply are. Thoughts can be stimulated by what we hear from others, from what we see and learn about the world from our direct experiences, and from what we imagine. The fact that we’re constantly having thoughts is not a problem. Problems arise when we’re unaware we’re having thoughts and view them as “the truth”. It is important to be able to have an aware

Birthing is for everyone! If you're male, I hope you don't stop reading. The metaphor of giving birth is an apt one. Manifesting what we want in life often brings "labor pains". Rarely does something just fall into our laps. The process involves: setting our intentions, making plans, sorting through options, problem solving issues, ironing out unforeseen complications, changing direction, and managing success when it comes. And it will come if you are a diligent "midwife"!

That is the question - isn't it? Too often we don't bring our attention to the perspectives and attitudes we bring to our interactions. I once heard the idea that focusing on To Be lists is just as important as To Do lists. I think this is phenomenally important. Many of us are great at putting together To Do lists for ourselves. Sometimes we're overly ambitious and create more than we can possibly accomplish in a day. On the other hand, we don't tend to focus on how we want

"Follow Your Bliss." Joseph Campbell I've always loved this quote from the first time I heard it. That happened during a Bill Moyers documentary on Campbell. Speaking of whom, there is another great man! Often I talk with people who are struggling with the decision of what career path to choose. Sometimes they have trouble narrowing it down because they are interested in so many things. However, another source of confusion is hearing from others that they need to be aware

When you dim your presence, people can't find you - because you're not truly being yourself!All of us have a light within us that is unique and special. We each have something to contribute that no one else on the planet could do in the same way. When we don't shine our light by doing that which is in our hearts, such as: reaching out and touching someone with our words, pursuing what makes us happy, writing that letter, article, or book, working on a campaign, calling a frie

Have you ever noticed that when you are most stressed or challenged, you tend to spin in circles? This can happen in the form of racing thoughts, going round and round with worries, resentments, or regrets. It can also literally happen that we go round and round physically, from one task to another. When this happens, it's a clue that we need to slow down and ground ourselves. However, we often feel like this is the opposite of what we need to do. We drive ourselves to do mo

“One of her greatest fears is that her partner will change after she leaves and someone else will reap the reward of her effort. She lives between if I can just hang on long enough, he will change and if I leave and he changes, I will miss out.” Joanna V. Hunter This seductive route involves pouring energy into changing others. The attractive posters along this route are “Help Me” and “Compassionate Care.” Wanting to assist others in nonjudgmental ways is a positive quali

It is healthy to receive attention and admiration from others as well as to give it. Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, we feel like the other person can do no wrong. However, if this is too extreme, it can be a danger sign. If you’ve ever been put on a pedestal, you know it’s a heady experience. If you feel a little uncomfortable with it, that’s a sign of health because the truth is that none of us are perfect so there is no way we can stay on a pedestal; the fall

Another seductive highway for controlling relationships is fear of being alone. This road is well traveled by many men and women, regardless of whether they have an abusive relationship. Relationship billboards promise “Companionship” and “Love” which is something we are naturally attracted to since we are social animals. Many of us want to have children and continue family traditions so the “Family” advertisement is also alluring. These values are strengths when we pursue t

What gets us to accept blame that is inappropriate? For many, it’s not so much agreement with the blame as fear of “Abandonment”. This sign blazes out in neon at any intersection where they might veer off and disagree with the idea they are at fault. Those whose history has included traumatic abandonment are most vulnerable for this. People who have a disability or serious illness are also more susceptible to threats of someone leaving. And, when you’ve been in a controlling

The strengths which attract people to this avenue are “Unselfishness” and “Care for Others”. However, controllers warp these values into serving their own interests and neglecting others’ needs. Since unselfishness is never applied to them and caring is defined by whether it is meeting their desires, going down this road has the certain ending of self-sacrifice. Those stranded along this path often are confused about what is selfish and what isn’t. They often feel a lot of g

“Gentleness of nature is not a virtue but a defect unless it is accompanied by the tenacity of will. Along with the sweetness there must be strength,” - Grandfather Roy Wilson in Medicine WheelBeing. Success necessitates having a healthy amount of pride and belief in ourselves. Some people say we all need some narcissism in order to succeed. They certainly have a point, but I prefer to call it strong self-esteem and an ability to value themselves and what they need. The o