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Gaslight security begins with recognizing it. Merriam-Webster’s definition of gaslighting: “psychological manipulation of a person...

To regain your power in an abusive relationship, you must name what is happening and accept it. Accept what is. Despite how painful that is. Accepting does not mean you approve, agree, or are okay with it. It is also not forgetting or pretending the abuse didn’t occur.

Believing you deserve abuse is an injury from coercive control. Abuse damages your belief in your worthiness, leaving you vulnerable to those who want to dominate.

When you say you allowed abuse, you are blaming yourself for something over which you had no control. You probably learned to accept this from your partner's blame and hearing similar media assumptions. Often society makes victims responsible for their abuse, rather than the one who abuses.  

Seeing forgiveness as emotional self-care may sound strange. Especially if you experienced an abuser telling you to forgive when they...

Emotional abuse healing takes longer than most physical abuse injuries. Every survivor I worked with said that emotional abuse was more...

Leaving or staying—there is no decision that fits everyone. Each person should consider their circumstances. Trust what you see regarding your partner’s behavior and follow your intuition. The following information helps clarify your situation.

Time Out and Broken Record are the last two conflict management skills. As with any assertive skill, assess your safety if someone has a history of being abusive.

Anger Starvation and Positive Admission are two constructive ways of dealing with another’s anger, disappointment, or frustration.

This fourth blog in my assertive communication series shows why these skills are important and how to be constructive in their use.

Giving and receiving positive expressions are the next skills in my assertive communication series that began with Assertive Beliefs . It...

Expressing Emotions and Empathy is the second of the Assertive Communication Skills series. They complete the self-defining skills along with requests and refusals covered earlier.

This assertive communication skills series begins with two self-defining skills: assertive request and assertive refusal.

Assertive Beliefs is the seventh blog in my empowerment series for victims of partner abuse. You must believe you have the right to be assertive before using skills: this article builds that foundation. It covers definitions, benefits, beliefs that may interfere, an assertiveness skills list, and steps to work on the belief that you have the right to stand up for yourself.

Repairing physical and emotional boundaries is the fifth in my empowerment series that began with How to Empower Yourself. This step begins with believing you have the right to set limits.

Noticing and adjusting your thoughts is an important mental health skill for everyone. Change negative thinking and you'll change your life.

Centering self-care de-stresses and connects you to your emotions and thoughts. This creates a resilient buffer from all stress, including abuse. By regaining your former self-care methods and perhaps adding new ones, you can reconnect with yourself and regain your power.  

Looking at the assumptions that underlie coercive control helps explain why your partner behaves abusively. Sometimes they admit these beliefs, but mostly it’s their behavior that shows you what they believe.

Calling out abuse means naming what happened” as abuse, coercive control, gaslighting, intimate partner violence, domestic abuse—whatever term feels right to you. It includes acknowledging that the person you love is willing to harm you. This will hurt! However, it’s the beginning step toward freedom.

This blog is the beginning of a seven-part series regarding therapeutic basics that I found addressed survivors’ concerns and encouraged post-traumatic growth. Each of my next six blogs will go into more depth. I think you will find they help you to empower yourself.