Couples in an abusive relationship often seek therapy for other issues and fail to mention abuse. A few of the reasons they don’t identify it: Victims are invested in the relationship and think couples therapy will convince the partner to change. The abusive partner threatens consequences for speaking about it. The abuser does not view their behavior as inappropriate and persuades their partner they are to blame. Neither one recognizes inappropriate or aggressive behavior. Re

Couples therapy is not appropriate when one partner abuses the other. This general rule applies until the abuser holds themselves accountable, has completed an abuser treatment program, and the therapist and the victim consider it safe. Why? Couples therapy is not effective because of the imbalance of power between the two individuals. That imbalance results in one or more of these issues: A victim who discloses is punished outside of the therapy room. Abuse disempowers and

Trauma healing is a vital component of therapy for intimate partner abuse survivors. Trauma symptoms interfere with partner abuse survivors’ healing. During my therapy practice, I developed Journey to Healing interventions for survivors fostered by my social work training and numerous trauma workshops. When I discovered Bruce Perry’s 3Rs of Trauma Therapy: Regulate, Relate, and Reason, I found my interventions fit within these concepts. Perry originally wrote about the 3Rs to

This article provides information for therapists and survivors that explains when clients do not recognize abuse. It serves as reassurance for survivors that their earlier lack of recognition is common and not something to feel guilty about. Love relationships are the hardest place to identify abuse. Victims of abuse often attend therapy for other issues, cloaked in confusion. Clients do not recognize abuse for many different reasons: Growing up in an abusive home Blamin

Recognizing narcissistic behavior in partners often happens after years of confusion and harm. While labeling their behavior won’t change it, identifying it empowers you to know it's not your problem. This article indicates ways you can effect change in your life and those you love. Narcissistic Personality Disorder The Oxford dictionary defines narcissism as “selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a p

As you can see, my sister and I were properly attired to resist sandstorms for our camel ride. Twenty-four hours of travel back to Merica (how Moraccans say it) did not tamp my enthusiasm for what I experienced. Morocco is a land of contrasts: Desert and camels, but also green mountains, busy ports, and car manufacturing for export. Riads (homes with courtyards) and alley-like souks (markets) but also busy cosmopolitan cities. A monarchy and a history of patriarchy, but the

When you "find your voice" means you develop the confidence and ability to express your unique perspective, opinions, and ideas. I adopted that as my new website brand because abuse silences the voices of survivors. Reclaiming strength: Find your voice after an abusive relationship. When you recognize your partner is abusive, this requires a huge "find your voice transition." Your awareness changes, and you experience emotional upheaval. You're faced with adjusting how you se

Many survivors of partner abuse wonder how to respond to intimidation after they’ve left. Regardless of whether the ex-partner’s motivation is revenge or wanting to have their way, interacting with them saps your energy and frequently causes you to feel hopeless and helpless. This article addresses how to respond to intimidation. But first, we’ll look at the need to resist reacting quickly to what they do. Reaction Pitfalls You may react out of anger or frustration that your

Often there is a gap between recognizing abusive behavior and both knowing what you want and taking steps toward it. This blog identifies four common obstacles to taking one step in the direction of healing. One step will lead to another. Fear Taking one step in the direction of healing confronts you with fear. It is reasonable to fear what your partner will do if you challenge their behavior or leave. Besides physical harm, emotional abuse, financial instability, stalking

The holidays are painful when you’ve experienced a loss, including ending an abusive relationship. You may wonder how to start over, to create a life free of abuse. Though January is a time when many want a fresh beginning, it isn’t just a matter of setting goals or resolutions when you’ve left an abusive relationship. If you’re living with abuse now, you may find How to Cope When You Feel Sad During the Holidays helpful. Here are five guides for how to start over when you’