Safety issues and concerns about the best interests of children were barriers to healing mentioned in Healing and Creating a New Life. This blog addresses two important ones that affect safety and family welfare. It ends with a list of resources to help overcome barriers to healing. They help you know the best ways to navigate any difficulties you encounter. Barriers to Healing: Attorneys without Expertise in Coercive Control Attorneys often do not understand coercive co

Healing and creating a new life after abuse are multi-faceted processes. Often, they feel overwhelming. You usually begin the work of creating before you’re healed, so that makes it harder. Here are steps to navigate your path. Take Space First, allow yourself space to reflect on your partner’s behavior and how it aligns with your relationship expectations. Without this, you never begin. During this time, you question their behavior and see if they’ll change. Love and hope

Survivors of intimate partner abuse sometimes say they feel overwhelmed by politics. For that matter, many of us do. Overwhelm is a rational response to destructive forms of conflict. A client example: “I can’t listen to my legislator because they talk like my abusive ex.” I view survivors as “canaries in the coal mine” of our culture because their abusive experiences help them see coercive language and behavior in other places, including political communication. Everyone

The time it takes to leave an abusive relationship is the time you need, so let go of any shame or embarrassment about it. Leaving is not the simple, black and white process many think it is. In order to overcome barriers such as gas-lighting, danger, lack of resources, isolation, and self-esteem injuries, you have to see your partner’s behavior clearly and then plan carefully. The time it takes to understand, grieve, and make decisions depends upon your situation. Living

Repeated abuse changes how you think about yourself and your abilities. Recovery work includes releasing destructive beliefs and the instilled fear produced by abuse.

Do not allow anxiety to interfere with gaining the support you need. The following gives guidance in how to tell someone about abuse. It also bolsters you in not taking personally anyone’s lack of support or disbelief if that occurs.

Gaslight security begins with recognizing it. Merriam-Webster’s definition of gaslighting: “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories.” It causes confusion, loss of self-esteem, and uncertainty of one’s mental stability." Gaslighting may seem easy to identify but it is not, particularly within an intimate relationship. Since you are hu

To regain your power in an abusive relationship, you must name what is happening and accept it. Accept what is. Despite how painful that is. Accepting does not mean you approve, agree, or are okay with it. It is also not forgetting or pretending the abuse didn’t occur.

Believing you deserve abuse is an injury from coercive control. Abuse damages your belief in your worthiness, leaving you vulnerable to those who want to dominate.

When you say you allowed abuse, you are blaming yourself for something over which you had no control. You probably learned to accept this from your partner's blame and hearing similar media assumptions. Often society makes victims responsible for their abuse, rather than the one who abuses.