If we’re thinking of leaving the relationship, we often want to get through the holidays and put off any decisions we’re contemplating, especially when we have children. That means maintaining our mask—putting on a pretend face with family, friends, or others. I believe those who suffer from intimate abuse are the best ones to know the timing that is right for them. The last thing you need is second guessing from others who are concerned for you.

Consent is much discussed today, a very good thing. Learning that everyone has the right to determine sexual contact is healthier for everyone. However, intimate partner violence (IPV), sexual abuse, and sexual assault are too often misconstrued as consensual when they aren’t. Those who have been victimized often have their actions misinterpreted to their detriment. The presence of coercion is an important factor in evaluating if there is true consent. “Coercive control is

At the foundation of violence against women are three basic building blocks: women have lesser value, women are property and the objectification of women.

"The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." June 1918 Surprising, isn't it? This quote illustrates how gender stereotypes influence us. Besides demonstrating that color preference for genders is culturally dictated, this quote highlights how traditional socialization tells women

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is not just an adult thing. It's common among teens. The Center for Disease Control indicates that 7 percent of high schoolers experienced sexual violence by a dating partner, and 8 percent indicated physical violence. However, the numbers are much higher when we include emotional and verbal abuse. “More than 60 percent of adolescents who date (both boys and girls) said they had experienced physical, sexual or psychological abuse from a partner

June is LGBTQ Pride Month. The growing acceptance of all sexual preferences and acknowledgement that gender is not binary is something to celebrate. My vision is that our culture will become one where no one fears to be themselves. Being closeted and hidden makes us more vulnerable to exploitation and abuse. When intimate partner violence (IPV) first became widely recognized, the focus was on female victims with male partners. While the majority of violent heterosexual relat

When you’ve been harmed by an intimate partner, you want them to be accountable for their behavior. You may spend a lot of time asking for this. It’s hard to believe that a loved one can risk the relationship rather than take responsibility for what they’ve done and seek to make changes. When they say through words or actions that they aren’t going to change, it’s important to believe them and decide what to do given that. You may be confused about who is responsible and ass

My last post, Domestic Terrorism, recognized the similarity between prisoner of war brainwashing and intimate partner psychological abuse. We usually think of domestic terrorists as perpetrating gun or other violent crimes against people they may or may not know. A definition of terrorism is “violence or intimidation inflicted on civilians to achieve political goals.” These goals may be to silence people or ideas. This goal is very like that of abusers who limit the freedom

If you’ve had an intimate partner hurt you emotionally, physically, or sexually, you may not have thought of it as terrorism. But I bet you’ve felt terror. Sociologist Albert D. Biderman constructed the Chart of Coercion decades ago to describe tactics designed to break the will of captured pilots. Advocates working with intimate partner violence have used this 8-factor chart to describe how the abuse affects victims. Below is CWA’s adaptation of his Chart in the first three

“It’s unfortunate that we all have lived with abuse and that our society tolerates it. I would like to wish the pain away . . . but I know it can also serve a purpose – to help us identify and recognize abuse in the future.” Women’s Voices group participant When I decided to go to graduate school, I chose a social work degree because of its emphasis on seeing people in the context of their lives. Social work values both the micro and the macro. Since my training specialized